Dear Mom

Dear Mom,
I am filled with grief, depression, guilt. I miss you so much. I feel cheated. I don't understand why this had to happen. You are the only one I can call about anything and you were taken from me. I worry about Dad in that house. I am jealous when I see mothers and daughters together. I want to call you - but instead have to go to your grave. YOUR GRAVE! I look for signs of you everywhere. I pray all the time that God will allow me to feel your presence. Where are you Mom? I need you! You were always on my side when I would call you and cry about stupid stuff!
I know that if get to the temple I will get the peace that I am so desperate for. When I ask Heavenly Father to please let me have a moment with you..I feel in my heart I could if I went to the temple. Roberta and Bradley have both shared their experience. I know I can count on Roberta to go with me when I am ready. I just don't know how long its going to take..and that frustrates me. My poor Nathan hasn't even been baptized because I can't take another big family event with you not there.
I cry so much and often that it doesn't even affect the boys anymore. They just go on about their business. I am so proud of the way they take care of their Grandpa. One day when I was taking them over to stay with Dad I thanked them for all the time they have spent with him since Grandma died. "Grandma can have more fun in Heaven if Grandpa is being taken care of." They want to make sure of that.
I hope you know that you are loved and missed. When I think of you in heaven I imagine you looking like you did when you were young and had that big hair! Beautiful angel.
I remember how you were such a fan of Princess Diana..I wonder if you are bff's in heaven! When Prince William got married I wondered if you were watching with Princess Diana!
I imagine you laughing and carrying on with friends that passed before you..especially Laura Brown.
I think of Grandma and how when she died something in you clicked off. Oh how happy you must be to be reuinted with her! You were always best friends. In my mind I can see you hugging and hear grandma's joyus laugh to have her daughter back with her! I imagine you two running all over the place doing girlfriend stuff. I worry that the grief Dad, my sisters, and I are feeling is messing up your good time.
I think about how it will probably be at least 30 years before I see you again and it breaks my heart.
I love you Mom. I still need you.

Love,
Wendy

Pictures of PawPaw

I finally got around to finding some pictures of the boys with their PawPaw.

Until we meet again Paw Paw

Darrell's dad passed away on Monday. He was 80 years old. His funeral will be on Friday. Here are a few pictures I found from our last visit there. I have some really cute pictures of him holding my boys when they were babies but I will have to find them and post later.

Sit down in your thinking chair and think..think..think....

Boys in the pool

Kindergarten Graduation

This is my little Pookie Bear Nathan, aka Nay Nay, all grown up and graduating from Kindergarten. He got all 4's (A's) on his report card. I'll never forget the day I was home from work and decided to take a nap. The doorbell rang around 12:45. I thought it was the UPS man so I just ignored it. Then a few minutes later the dog started freaking out - so I got up to investigate. There standing on the front step was Nathan. He was outside at recess and decided he didn't want to be at school anymore. Mom was more fun. So he just came home. After lots of hugs and kisses and a juice bag I returned him to school - where everyone was out looking for him. This landed him in the Principals office. When Mr. Rogerson asked him what happened he replied, "I escaped school. I'm gonna hang out with Mom." He had a few more attempted escapes but they caught him in time. I was worried about him, but he ended up doing just fine. Love my baby boy!

Sick of all this sickness!!

Because I have felt like doogy doo for 3 weeks now - this blog is NOT positive. Major attitude/venting in this one!

For real, ya'll.
I am so over everyone in my family being sick all the time. Poor Bradley who has trouble with school anyway has missed so much school I don't know what is going to happen! My stupid boss has decided "no schedules" she will just call me if she wants me to come in that day...makes it hard to plan ANYTHING...and how am I supposed to make Dr's appointments if I don't know if I am gonna get called in to work? I guess boss lady thinks we don't have lives or something! A co worker of mine had not been called in for 2 weeks so she went to Canyon City to visit her daughter for a few days. She ended up in trouble because boss lady tried to call her in while she was out of town! SO unfair, I think. If I didn't need a job reference I would sooooo quit this place. So anyway...I have applied for a job with the school district. The job posting closes this week so fingers are crossed that I get an interview...it would be just my dumb luck that I do - and I will still be sick. Oh the impression I will make coughing and sneezing all over the place!
But please, please, please, please!!! Let me get a job soon. I am so sick of my stupid, too small, 1 bathroom, no garage, can't grow any grass in the yard house. Thank goodness my neighbors are nice at least.